Imagine you are Colin. Tell the story as if you were writing it in your diary.
It was at my room sad and bored, notbecuse I was alone, because my father never visited me. Because all the doctors saw me. They said me that I am going to died. I get frightened and confused. One they I was in my room and sudenlly two girls open my door, I was very confused and very surprised. We stared talking she told me about the secreat garden and I told her that my father hated me because when I was born my mother died and my father loved my mother very much. She told me that tomorrow I could go to the garden and meet Dickon a friend of her. I was very excited about meeting Dickon and go to the garden because I haven talked and played with anyone since a long time. After a week, I went down were Dickon and Mary were waiting me.We went out of the house, the sun came out again, I was so happy. After we opened the door of the secret garden. The three of us get in love with the secret garden, was magical because every time I was there I feel so funtastic and since we went there I didn’t feel bad .My father arrived home and went to the secret garden. At that moment, I was there running because I wanted to be a healthier boy, . At first, I thought that he will be angry so I told him that since I went there I was not ill anymore, my father couldn’t speak. He was so happy that we got back together.
Belu, pay attention to grammar and punctuation. Remember that TO is always followed by an INFINITIVE. There are too many grammar and vocabulary mistakes which make the comprehension quite difficult. Pay more attention next time!
It was at my room bored, sad, only and sacred, not just because I was alone, because my father almost never visited me, it was because all the doctors that saw me, they said I was going to die, too. One night, I was crying when suddenly, a girls opened the door of my room. I get frightened and confused because I had never saw her.I ask her who was she and she told me she was nepheu of Mr. Croven.I was totally surprised.Then I told I was his son.We stared talking she told me about the secreat garden and I told her that my father hated me because when I was born my mother died and my father loved my mother more than anything.She told me that tomorrow I could go to the garden and meet Dickon a friend of her and then she left. I was very excited about meeting Dickon and go to the garden because I haven t talk and play with anyone sience a long time.A week after the rainy days, I went down the stears were Dickon and Mary were waiting me.We got out when suddenly, the sun came out again, I was so happy and felt as I was alive again.After we opened the door of the secret garden.At that moment I got a feeling of running so I run all over the garden. The three of us get in love with the secret garden so we go really often and after being so much there we realized the garden was magical because evrey time I was there I feel good and siece we went there I am not as bad as I was.One day, my father arrived home and went to the secret garden. At that moment, I was there running because I wanted to be a healthier boy, when he appeared. At first, I thought that she will angry so I told him that sience I went there I was not ill anymore, my father could t speak, he was so happy that we got back together and ever after…
Well done Flor! Try to pay more attention to tenses and grammar next time.
It was a common rainy day and i was in my bed, like i used to be. Every they was longer, my father never visited me, and i am to scared of death because all my doctors said to me that i am going to die, and also the servants said so. I was very unhappy and sad.
I was very sad and i started crying like i used to do. But suddenly i heard a noice someone was getting into my room. It was a blonde and tall girl, her name was Mary, she heard me crying and come to see me. At that moment i was very confused because my father has visited me, i want to know who was her so i asked: ” who are you?” she answerd quickly: ” Mr. Craven Is my uncle and i moved here because my parents died in India. “I am his son” i said. This was all very confused so she started asking questions, this was the first time i liked talking to someone. We were talking and she mention a secret garden, she told me it was locked But she had the key, so we can play tougether and have fun. But she told me it had to be a secret. I started trusting Mary so i told Her my story: “my dad hates me because my mother died when i was born and than in the last 10 years i had been very scared because of my back. She had to leave but, before living she told me that tomorrow i could go to the garden and i could met his friend Dickon. I was very happy flor meeting Dickon and going to the garden! I told her that she has to visited mi once a day because she made me forget all my problems.
It was a rainy week but when i sunny day come the servants carried me down stairs where Dickon and Mary where wating for me. Dickon carried my wheelchair while i was looking the beautiful garden. Suddenly the sun warmed my face and i felt diferent, i was feeling happy again and screaming happily: ” I am not going to die” and when Mary opened the door of the secret garden i started running.
It had happend many days since i rote here. Today my father arrived home and entered to the secret garden, the place were my mom died. At that moment i was running in the garden felling better and healtheir. At first i thought he will shouted at me but he looked at me wiith a happy face so we huged. Finally the secret garden was not secret any more, it was the garden pure of love and happines. I will always been thanks with the people who helped me to belive in my and be strong and happy.
Luli, I realize you’ve read the book, but you need to be very careful with grammar. Remember the use of capital letters.
Excellent Luz! You’ve done a great work.
It was a cold and dark morning and I was in my bed like I used to be. I was very ill, scared, lonely and hurt. I was always in my bed lonely and doing nothing, I had no friends. My father hardly ever visited me a short time. I was feeling very cross and unhappy. I was scared about death because all the doctors told me than I was going to die. And I was frightened of my back because I was going to have the crocked back us my father. One night, I was crying in my large bed like I usually do. Suddenly, a girl called Mary heard my voices and she went to see what was going on. At that moment, the girl, opened the door of my huge room. As soon as she opened the door, I was scared and confused because my father had just visited me. When she entered, she saw me and immediately I asked curiously: ¨who are you¨? She told me that she was Mr. Craven’s uncle. And I said that I was his son. It was very confused and strange to me having a little girl in my room. She was confused too, so she asked me many questions and we had a type of conversation. In one moment, she mentioned a secret garden. I had ever mentioned a secret garden so curiously I asked all about it. She told me that we could play together, we could make the flowers come alive again and she talked about many things that made me realize that it must be a secret. Suddenly, when I started having more trust in Mary, I told her that my father hated me because my mother died when I was born. I told her too, that I was being scared for the last 10 years because of my back. Before she was living, she told me that tomorrow I could go to the garden and meet her friend, Dickon. I was very excited about meeting Dickon and go to the garden. Finally, I told her that she had to visited me at least one a day because she made me forgot all my problems ,my unhappiness and all about my back. It was a rainy and coldy week so after the rainy days, the servants carried me down stairs where both kids were waiting for me. Dickon pushed the wheelchair all around the garden while I was watching all the beautiful flowers and how they came alive again. Suddenly, the sun warmed my face and I felt different, I was feeling happy again and I was screaming happily: ¨I´m not going to die. As soon as we opened the door of the secret garden, at first time in years, I left the wheelchair and I started running all over the garden. Suddenly, a few days later, my father arrived home and went to the secret garden, in which my mom died. At that moment, I was running around the garden because I wanted to be a healthier boy so I will not have the same back as my father, when she appeared. At first, I thought that she will shout at me but instead of that, he looked me with a very happily face so I went running out with Mary and Dickon. Finally, the garden was not secret any more; it was a garden with magic, happiness and love. I will always been thanks with all the people that helped me to be strong and happy.
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *
Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.
Notify me of follow-up comments by email.
Notify me of new posts by email.